My quarantined stock broker was just arrested! The Police got him for insider trading.

I bought some stocks from vegetable companies. It didn’t turnip well.

The Otis Elevator Company is now on the stock market. So you could say their stocks will have their ups and downs.

Germany is now requiring people to stock up on cheese and sausages due to COVID-19. This is called the Wurst-Käse Scenario.

Stock markets plunge over Coronavirus fears, some portfolios hit more than others. Mainly Spread markets.

Hydroponic herb growers are the next big thing in the stock market! Thyme is money.

The stock market will probably do better in the winter. More people have colds = more people eating soup.

What do you call a butcher who has money in the stock market? A steak holder.

My local golf shop is selling all its stock to stay in business. The putters, the drivers and the irons are all gone, but they are not out of the woods yet.

They say ‘buying stock in airlines is generally a bad idea’ But I made money out of Finnair.

My dad told me to never buy stock in Lipton, Tetley, or Twinings. He always said, “Money doesn’t grow on teas.”

I bought some stock in Bose the other day. It was a sound investment.

I decided I’d buy some stocks in the apple juice industry. But I was arrested for having in-cider information.

Henry Winkler has been convicted of Investment Fraud. It was a Fonzi scheme.

I’m going to sell all my shares of Kodak stock. The company has a real negative attitude.

I’ve been called a rare commodity. I wonder if that makes me silver or gold? I suppose I could be either one.

When the sun sets every evening, Superman moves all his Bitcoin investments into a regular mutual fund. He tries to protect himself from Crypto night.

Hope that everyone enjoyed at least some of these! Stay safe and well and we’ll hopefully be seeing you in the very near future.