Christmas Crackers!
As we will all be having a very different Christmas this year and the Government want us to have a socially distanced Christmas Quiz instead of playing board games, I thought that I’d share 50 Christmas Cracker jokes with you, just in case you want to have a go at guessing these on the big day, I’d suggest kids against adults!!
- What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia! - What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow - Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ‘ho ho ho’! - What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?
Twerky! - Knock, knock, Who’s there? Arthur, Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left? - What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve?
Auld Fang Syne - Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem! - What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days! - What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson! - What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker! - What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it! - How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed! - Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws - Who is Santa’s favourite singer?
Elf-is Presley! - What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet! - What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf! - What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments! - Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles! - Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught! - Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks! - What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite! - What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps! - How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle! - What is Dominic Cumming’s favourite Christmas Song?
Driving Home for Christmas! - How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that’s deep pan, crisp and even! - Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy! - What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws! - What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm! - What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve! - How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?
25 – There’s “no EL”! - What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful! - What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross Mouse Cards! - Which athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper! - What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis! - What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
‘I don’t like Brussels sprouts!’ - What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you! - Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had nobody to go with. - What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells! - What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer! - What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
Mistle-toad! - Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas?
Noël Coward! - Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks! - How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf?
He has Santa claws! - What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we’ll go places! - Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer! - What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast?
The One Show! - What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker! - Why don’t you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?
Because he has private elf care! - How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger! - Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered!
Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year. Stay safe and well and we’ll hopefully be seeing you in the new year Let’s hope 2021 will be more like normal.
Craig
